5 Critical Personal Boundaries To Have
Hey, misfit! Today I’m going to be talking about five critical personal boundaries to have. Not just to have with other people, but that you need to also reinforce and put into place for yourself. Yes, as usual, you’ve got to do some work.
The reason why personal boundaries are so fucking important
Nine times out of ten, when you’ve got issues with people pleasing behaviours coming through, when you’ve got that habit of putting everyone else first and want to make sure everyone’s happy – it’s because of poor boundaries being in place. You might be really, really good at saying no to yourself. “No, I shouldn’t really do that. No, I should pull back on some of the stuff I’m doing.” Telling yourself, no – that comes some what naturally. But when it comes to telling other people No, or putting those boundaries in place, that takes a bit of practice, and it’s not something that we do as easily.
So here’s 5 critical personal boundaries to have in place.
1. You should be respecting your no.
If you say no to something, don’t give someone the wiggle room to try and talk you out of it. If you use a tone that’s unsure, and you’re kind of nervous saying that no in the first place, people are going to take advantage of it. I’m not saying that people are always going to be malicious, but if they have that wiggle room, they may try and persuade you. Worse yet, to guilt trip you into it. Then you’re going to be betraying yourself and your own personal boundaries by going and changing your answer, when actually, your gut is still screaming at you say no.
If you’ve been over committed with your time, your resources are low, and maybe you just don’t have the energy to be throwing into something for someone else right now. Respect your No and remind yourself of the fact that you’re allowed to tell people No, without it making you a bad person.
2. Being able to ask for your needs, and being able to communicate those needs, with other people.
People aren’t mind reader’s, and neither are you. If you need something, rather than feeling bitter and resentful because other people don’t just know what you need. Go and tell them. Make it one of your personal boundaries to have that when you need something, and you need it from someone else, that you put your big girl pants on, and you go and fucking tell them. If you have things that you need from your partner, don’t get resentful about the fact that they’re not delivering it, if you’re not stepping up and putting it into words in the first place.
If you have needs, from your family, from your kids from your friends, rather than worrying about not rocking the boat, or not saying something to keep the peace and then getting shitty about it down the track, say something from the start. When you have your own needs and your own things that you want out of a relationship or out of a situation, it’s your responsibility to go forward and actually ask for it.
3. Not holding yourself accountable for other people’s happiness.
That is their problem. I know the beautiful, big hearted person you are wants to make it your problem. You want to be able to fix things, you want to be able to make everyone in the world happy and take away that pain because you know what it’s like to feel that yourself. But you’re not actually helping them.
By trying to make other people’s happiness your responsibility, not only are you putting yourself on the back burner, you’re also taking away their opportunity for growth. So while you think you’re helping them by cleaning up the messes, trying to fix all of these situations, you’re taking away their chance to learn how to ask for help or to learn how to figure it out themselves. You’re also disadvantaging yourself in the process because of the fact that you’re giving them all of your resources, burning yourself out, and not actually dealing with your own lessons.
4. Stop participating in relationships, friendships, environments, that are making you feel inferior.
If someone in your life is condescending, talking down to you constantly and making you feel like you’re not good enough, whether its with their words or with their actions. Making you feel that way is not part of a relationship that is healthy for you. That is a toxic relationship or friendship and as hard as it might be to admit, if you recognise those kind of behaviours in someone one, call them on it. You might have a fear that something’s going to happen, they’re going to take their love away, it’s going to cause a conflict.
At the end of the day, it’s hard enough having those voices in your head criticising you – we are our own worst critics. When you surround yourself with other people who are saying those things out loud, that is not a space that is going to help you move forward, that is not a space that is going to help you grow.
If you can recognise these characteristics or traits in other people, first try and talk to them about it, maybe they’re not aware of the way that they’re talking. Or maybe it’s stemming from something else. If they get defensive, perhaps deciding the friendships not worth it, and want to make that call themselves. That is not your fault, you are totally within your rights to express how someone else’s making you feel. You can’t just put up with that kind of behaviour because you’re worried about rocking the boat. You’ve got to protect yourself in that circumstance.
5. You have to be intentional about how you’re using your time.
You only have a certain amount of time in the day, but everyone’s got the same amount. If you’re going to invest it in everyone else in your life, and then complain that at the end of the day that you had no time for yourself to do the things that you wanted to do. Who’s choosing to do that? I know, you’ll have responsibilities. Maybe you’re a mum, maybe you’ve got parents to look after. Maybe you do have commitments. Rather than just being an observer in your life and letting it happen to you, be intentional about how that time is being used.
Think about how you’re using that time, or how you want to be using that time, because at the end of the day, you’re the one who has to learn how to live your life on your terms, rather than just letting it happen to you and complaining when it doesn’t go your way.
Time to look and see what personal boundaries you need to have in place!
Stay Fierce,
P.S Ready to start building a life on your terms? Time to get into Fierce AF.
Original post here: 5 Critical Personal Boundaries To Have
Original post here: 5 Critical Personal Boundaries To Have
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